Oh Valentine’s Day! The day you spend so much more than necessary to eat out and buy flowers that are cheaper before or after this Hallmark holiday. Women and men all over the world go bonkers on this day. As I drank my morning coffee and trolled through my Fake Book page to see the plethora of illuminating thoughts, I noticed two basic camps of opinions for V Day. There are those posts from women with mates with pictures of flowers and gifts that were presented to them and gushing about how grateful they are to have this grand love in their life. Awwww! That is so sweet. For some people it truly is because they actually have a good relationship, for some it’s just a show so they have one less day of “see you’re a useless piece of shit.” So for that person silence is indeed precious and worth every cent.
The other camp is of those who are painfully aware of being single and demonstrating their awkward coping skills for this day. One of my friends, basically encouraged all of those who received gifts and posted pictures to kiss his ass because he doesn’t have a BF. Many will just declare their self-love or love for others and that’s great. What I want to know is why are we still grading ourselves on our ability to mate and reproduce? Why do we fear being single? It doesn’t mean you are unloved, it doesn’t mean you aren’t doing anything valuable with your life. Why does this day like New Year’s Eve make single people and couples neurotic? We have expectations for both of these holidays way over what they need to be. Hey I’m all for a day that pushes chocolate and wine consumption! But why do people freak out?!
Sure we all want love. We all want someone who feels we are the bomb and love us more than a fat kid loves cake, however, it seems to me that many people don’t care about that they really just want the title “girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband.” They don’t really want to do the daily things that cultivate the type of relationship they want publicly acknowledged on this holiday. Gifts don’t mean love. Actions mean love. Listening to your love, caring about what happens to them, caring about their happiness and emotional well being, being interested in what is important to them, knowing how they take their coffee or tea, what they like to eat, or what they like to do. Every day little actions mean more than one big vase of flowers once a year. I think what I can’t stand about this holiday is the fake programmed idea of what is “romantic.” I know this will sound really weird from a woman, but I’m embracing my weirdness, I have very different ideas about romance and feel that women and men can participate equally. It isn’t just about men behaving nicely or “romantically” for awhile in order to convince someone to touch their naughty bits. Women need to participate as well. Wooing goes both ways.
Another thing I can’t stand are public marriage proposals. I feel like there is a whiff of emotional blackmail involved. He starts out by getting down on one knee. Why? I hate this! You should be at the same level as the person you are speaking to. Why all this fake submissive behaviour? Then to top it all off he presents a diamond ring. Eww. Now here’s where my inner freak really shines. I don’t like diamonds (or shoe shopping) but for his sake the ring better be BIG because guys, I’ve heard women talk about this when you aren’t around, SIZE DOES MATTER! How does that scream unconditional love?
Now I can tell you one thing for sure, whomever you are performing this little song and dance for has thought about it for years, so hopefully you get it right. What pressure! Who needs that? I’d much rather a man ask me the question in a thoughtful manner. Alone. Now I guess the jewelry is meant to seal the deal and stand as proof so he can’t say later “I was drunk and had no clue what was happening. I didn’t mean it.” One little hint ladies, anything said on a emotive level said during sex doesn’t count! Period, unless he repeats the question or makes the statement while his penis is tucked away in its sleeping position and not currently seeking safe harbour in one of your orifices will it count.
I just don’t see why we need to make this day such a big deal. I would like to see people express their love on a more regular basis. Why do we need just one day to say “oh love is great” don’t we already know that? Also because I love flowers and buy them quite often and I hate buying them during Valentine’s week because they jack up the price. If people bought them more regularly we wouldn’t experience that price gouging. Anyway, hopefully you don’t feel pressured into making grand gestures of your love today. Whatever you declare today my hope for you is that it is genuine and honestly from your heart. If you feel uncomfortable or pressured or even just ambivalent in expressing emotions about someone in your life today, you might want to take a look at that, especially if you are married to them.
As someone who is currently back on the dating scene I hope that I too might find love and when and if I do, I will be happy to let my guy off the hook for this day. Besides I’m hoping he’d be more keen to stay home anyway.