You fucked up a cupcake?! Seriously.

owl-1515224_960_720Recently I’ve become a huge fan of Yelp and other sites that allow you to leave your feedback for restaurants and other service providers. I feel like they should know if they have hit it out of the park or tanked altogether.  I love to go to a new restaurant be it big or small, posh or not posh to enjoy a truly great experience. However, the past couple of years, going out has started to annoy the hell out of me for a variety of reasons, but the main reason is that restaurants are catering to the young club going crowd and I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe it’s because these people don’t have a lot of money and short attention spans and they want them to feel like they are getting a cool club/lounge experience while they eat. More bang for your buck! Whatever, but the loud thumping music drives me crazy, and no Zippy it’s not because I’m past my 20s, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Nope, the reason I have issues with it is because the zygote taking my order, has spent half of their young life with music blaring directly into their ear canal, and can’t hear all that well on a good day. Now add a thick layer of techno music on top of that and you’ve got a whole lotta “that’s not what I ordered” served up. How can you relate to your table if you can’t even hear them?! Just sayin.  So in my humbly obnoxious opinion, it is a huge time and energy suck to have all that loud music.  Look if you are young and want to go dance the night way and listen to loud music by all means go ahead, that’s what your 20s are for, live it up. However, when I go out to dinner, I am out with people I actually like and I’m interested in talking with them to get to know them better or to deepen our already strong bond. I’m not there to stare at them and yell one word responses over the table while we both “check in” to whatever social media is ruling our lives.

Anyway, let me get back to the cupcake fuck up. The other day I was craving something sweet and a cupcake came to mind. I went by my local bakery which is pretty popular in my neighborhood and has usually been quite reliable in the baked good world. I do find theme slightly annoying though because they have closed down 3 times to renovate their space and change up their design, and on the first iteration of their “renovation” they added a hostess stand outside like some fancy restaurant. Are you fucking kidding me! You are a bakery. That’s the problem with people these days they are trying too hard to be fancy, trying to be all things to all people. Just do what you do and do it with gusto and rock your shit. Some of my favorite places are tiny holes in the wall that have no fancy decoration, yet make the most awesome food with lines around the block. I’m looking at you Kazu in Montreal. You are still the stuff my culinary wet dreams are made of. Have the balls to do what you do and don’t try to appeal to everyone, that’s a sure fire recipe for mediocrity.

So I waltz into this bakery on Halloween of all times and picked up a couple of cupcakes. Yes a couple don’t judge! It’s not like I had a ménage à trois with my desserts, but what if I did! Anywho…I get home and undress and put my PJs on and settle on my sofa for some luscious deliciousness that I imagine will hit that button of desire that brought me there in the first place.  Oh sweet expectation….turns into SWEET JESUS WHAT AN ABOMINATION.

Personally, I think there should be a 12th circle of hell for people who fuck up the little pleasures of life because these are the things that we mere mortals look forward to. I mean how many times have you had a shit day and all you could think of was going home getting comfy and having whatever your favorite comfort food is with you while you binge watch a good show. Now did that vision include being totally disappointed by your comfort food? No it did not!  However that is what happened to me.

You know with the first taste of the frosting if you are going to be safe or not, and this was not good. The frosting was so waxy and gross and it left a weird film on my tongue and if that wasn’t bad enough it had absolutely no flavor to it. How can you create a baked good with zero flavor?!  The rest of the cupcake wasn’t any better. How horrifying. How utterly disappointing. At that point in time with everything that’s going wrong in my life that cupcake could have righted my world if only for a few hours until the sugar high ends, but no, it was the embodiment of all my current disappointment.  Wouldn’t that be horrible? If our lives had the power to either sweeten or sour the foods we ate? There’s a horror story in there somewhere.

Oh well. I’m sure it won’t put me off cupcakes forever, but it will motivate me to get in the kitchen and rock out a batch of my own.  Fast track to flavor town!! Damn you bakery I won’t name because I don’t like calling people out on my blog unless you are Trump. Besides I already left my review for you on your Facebook page.  I’m sure I’ll get over my flavorless waxy disappointment and I wish you all, my dear readers, nothing but sweetness until next time.

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