Sweet dreams are made of this? Well I’m fucked.

Did you ever see the film A Million Ways to Die in the West? Do you remember the dream scene after he took the drugs the Indians gave him? Well that’s sort of what my dreams are like, usually very colorful and somewhat nuts.

So last night was a very fitful night of sleep for me. I had bad dreams that woke me up a few times, like one dream where I jumped really high, high enough that it seemed more like flying and I landed way far out on this lake of ice. I don’t remember exactly what the reason was that I wanted to land in that particular part of the water. However when I landed in the water I just kept sinking to the bottom and because the water was cold I could see with amazing clarity the vastness of this water which was frightening.  I was trying to flap my arms to take me back up instead of down and I was scared to put my foot down for fear that I would realize just how deep the water was and how far down I was sinking. I remember feeling scared that I wouldn’t make it back up and I could see huge air bubbles floating to the surface without me. That woke me up in a sweat with my heart pounding.

I did eventually get back to sleep only to start on yet another fucked up dream and the last dream was just as much a weird-fest as the others that came before it. I don’t remember it all but it was one of those that had many different things going on at one time. Almost like being lost in a fun house.  The part I remember was someone I cared for and thought cared for me, can’t remember who, came up to me to give a gift of this huge basket of nuts, blueberries, raspberries and apples. I was so excited to receive this very large gift which was actually more the size of a pale stuffed full of fruit. Then he dumped the whole thing on my head and the fruit went everywhere! All of sudden these birds came from out of no where and were everywhere, while I stood there horrified! I wanted to save the fruit although it was dumped on my head and in the end wasn’t really a gift; and the birds wanted it too and they were frantically trying to gather up all they could.

So I then started running around trying to find someone with a big enough sack to that I could use to pick up all the fruit or what would be left after the birds got to it. In my efforts to try and find a bag, which no one was helping with I might add, I ran into an old co-worker who I didn’t really like because she was basically the office “mean girl” more on that some other time; she stopped me to tell me something unimportant but yet I stopped.  Afterwords I carried on trying to find some bags and did find someone who would let me use some bags they weren’t using, and on my way back to the valley of the fruit, I got lost! OH NO! Plot twist, although not shocking I’m sure.

So I also ran into another blast from my professional past, a vendor I used to work with. What is it about dreams that it feels the need to drag out everyone? Sometimes that is our brain’s way of easing us into thinking about something by using someone we find easier to cope with having whatever characteristics that are being displayed in that moment. Anyway, this vendor was walking around going on about something that of course I don’t remember. So don’t ask.

Anywho, she went behind this curtain and was gone. And of course I decided to follow. Behind this curtain was a whole other world and sometimes you could go back there and wander around the maze of endless possibilities of strangeness, but you had to be careful because sometimes you could actually get lost and stuck there. I tried to go back through the curtain at one point, but when I pulled it back there was just a wall instead of an opening. I don’t know what would cause that change but I’m sure it had something to do with something I did. I wandered around and saw many strange things which didn’t scare me but I knew in the dream that all of this was definitely fucked up. Then I woke up.

Not long ago I had another strange dream where everyone was excited about something, what I don’t remember, but I was leading this group that was heading down this path towards something we all apparently wanted. And since I was leading and ahead of them it didn’t take long for me to discover that this path had turned into a tunnel and as you walked down the passage I discovered that the tunnel just ended, it didn’t go anywhere and that the rushing group would soon all arrive and I would be crushed! This is another dream where I woke up in a sweat.

How do I keep the crowd from crushing me? Because what I discovered too late was that the tunnel became smaller as you went down so it made it difficult to maneuver away; and because everyone was so excited they were all talking loudly and couldn’t hear me yelling for them to stop. My heart started pounding and my fear was multiplying by the second as people kept coming down and the space grew smaller and smaller. Phew scary righ!  Of course, the dream didn’t end with me being crushed, which is why I woke up in a panic.

I’m sure that if there are any dream analyzers or psychiatrists out there you are probably thinking “what the hell is up with Wellsie?” Well to answer that question, LOTS! Like many others out there I’ve been through a few things in my life, been battle tested and have the scars to prove it. Dreams I find are very interesting but I don’t spend too much time thinking about them or trying to figure them out. Usually it is your brain trying to bring something to your attention that you are working double time to ignore it’s like your brain is asking you “what are you pretending NOT to know?”; and sometimes it’s just your brain taking a shit!

I mean hell in today’s society we are bombarded with all sorts of social media and information floods our brains and there’s only so much it can keep. There’s just lots of stuff in your head and so every now and then your brain has a big clean out and just starts tossing shit out; so if you are sitting around trying to figure out if it’s a sign….DON’T.  I’ve started to realize recently something that I’ve suspected for a long time, people are always looking for signs and then they make decisions thinking that they are being given a SIGN but that is rarely the case.  Take a few moments in the morning when you wake to look at what dreams you had if you can remember, see if there are any messages your brain is trying to give you that you aren’t willing to acknowledge when awake. Because the only person trying to send you a message is YOU!

I’ll talk about signs soon I promise. Ciao!

 

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